(Note: Last chance to ask questions... list spoilers under the cut)
My list was:
1. Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy 7)
2. Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
3. Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)
4. Quistis Trepe (Final Fantasy 8)
5. Dryden Fassa (Vision of Escaflowne)
6. Dr. Gregory House (House)
7. Kaylee Frye (Firefly)
8. Cid Highwind (Final Fantasy 7)
9. Stephen Maturin (Master & Commander)
10. Dr. Simon Tam (Firefly)
11. Ivan Vorpatril (Vorkosiganverse)
12. Stiltzkin the Moogle (Final Fantasy 9)
13. Ignignokt (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
14. Auron (Final Fantasy X)
15. Brian Griffin (Family Guy)
And now, the questions that kallah asked...
2 [Snape], 7 [Kaylee], 12 [Stiltzkin] and 15 [Brian] are on a quest. What are they looking for, do they find it, and do any of them actually live through the experience?
...bwa! Well, Snape would be looking for the Legendary Potion Of Destroying All Hermione/Snape, Harry/Snape, And Draco/Mpreg!Snape Fic. Unfortunately, the Potion is hidden away at the top of a kupo-nut tree, and so he must hire Stiltzkin to guide the way. Along the way, he links up with Kaylee (I'm looking for something here about sufficiently advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic, but, meh, I got nothin') and Brian (because even Snape knows his diplomatic skills are lacking, and even though Brian is a talking dog with a drinking problem, he's still pretty damn charming-- Snape gets him to tag along by promising him that they're going to get a complete collection of signed Dostoyevski first editions, and stop at the liquor store on the way back, Snape's buying).
The plan, however, hits a snag when Kaylee is bowled over by the cuteness of Stiltzkin and decides that she must take him back to Serenity as a pet for her and Simon ("Hey, Stiltzkin, is this Snape guy boring you? Why don't you talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet!"); Stiltzkin, being so in love with travel, has to go along with her, because he's never been into space and all. With no guide, Snape cannot find the potion, and is thus despondent until Brian gives him a pep talk about how, what with Snape's intelligence, he shouldn't care about what people write about him on the Internet. It's what's inside that counts, and one shouldn't let other people's shallow tastes affect your own life.
....which works until Snape shows Brian the pornfic that's been written about him, and so the two of them get liquored up and go on a rampage. THE END YAY
1 ][Vincent] and 11 [Ivan] are cooking for 3 [Spike] and 10 [Simon]. What do they make and is it appreciated?
...cooking? Wait, let me put stronger sneer quotes around that. COOKING? Oh, I'm sure Vincent and Ivan might make a fair try at it, but Vincent is too busy moping to pay attention to what he's doing, and so sets his robe on fire on the burner. Ivan, being a Vor lord, does not DO cooking, and so he decides to take the 4 of them out to a night on the town in Vorbarr Sultana. Simon, of course, is relieved to be back in civilization (and eating something that isn't necessarily reconstituted protein) at long last, and a good time is had by all--until the party is given the bums-rush out of the restaurant (apparently, there's a "misunderstanding" involving Spike, several outraged wealthy patrons, a handful of high-denomination credit-chips that "just happened" to find their way into Spike's pockets, Spike giving a thoughtful impromptu demonstration of the basics of Jeet Kun Do, and the subsequent arrival of the Civil Guard. Simon Ilyan is...ironic. Lady Alys, kindly, only reminds Ivan of the incident every other day.).