What is it, you ask? Why, it's a mashup between Dune and Forrest Gump.
Now, you have to imagine all this being said in a thick slow Forrest Gump voice, of course.
"Well, hi there. My name's Paul Atreides. People call me Muad-Dib."
"Well, ya know, one time, Mama took me to see this old lady, and her name was Benny Jess-rit. I think that's a real funny name for an old lady. And she was bald too! I ain't never seen no bald lady named 'Benny' before nor since. Anyhow, she made me put my hand inside this box.
"And it hurt.
"I almost had to pee.
"But ya know, Mama always said, 'Life is like a box of pain -- you never know how bad it's gonna hurt.'"
"Well, one time, me and Mama, we was out walkin' in the desert, and we met these people called the Free Men. They had themselves some funny-lookin' clothes. I ain't never seen nobody wearin' clothes like that before nor since. Anyhow, they had this girl with 'em, and her name was Chan-ee, and she was 'bout the prettiest girl I ever did see. And from then on, why... me and Chan-ee, well, we was just like spice and sandworms!"
"Mama always said, 'Shai-Hulud is as Shai-Hulud does.'"
"Well, when we met the Free Men, I was awful thirsty, since we'd been walkin' around in that desert all day. So I asked 'em to bring me a Doctor Pepper. I do love me some Doctor Pepper. Anyhow, they said they'd never even heard of a Doctor Pepper -- can ya believe that?! Instead, they gave me this stuff they called The Water Of Life.
"So I drank it.
"...it was NOT Doctor Pepper."
...YES HI I AM A GEEK