1. Oh dear. It seems you'll be spending eternity in Tartarus (the Greek afterworld of eternal torture, some physical, but mostly mental). Why are you down there, and what impossible task are you being forced to do to atone for it and get out of there if you actually manage to accomplish it?
I think if I go to Tartarus, it will be for foolishly trying to be the "white knight" -- to be the lone hero that tries to solve everyone's problems and make everything better, but instead makes everything so much worse because of my own clumsiness.
My task will be to catch all the rain from a summer thunderstorm in a sewing thimble, and then use it to walk to the driest place on earth, and water the desert until it blooms.
2. Much like Dante being guided by Virgil through the nine circles of Hell in order to get into Heaven through the back door, you are given a similar opportunity to be guided through a mythical/legendary/fictional/otherwise unproven to exist place to achieve some end unconventionally. Where are you, who's your guide, and what are you hoping to accomplish?
Okay, do you remember Raiders of the Lost Ark? That big giant warehouse at the very end? That's where I'm going, because I'm pretty sure you can find pretty much anything there if you look long enough. And Kaylee from Firefly is guiding me down the dusty paths between haphazardly stacked crates, because she's the one who'll most likely know to recognize what we're looking for. And that is a rare and fabled treasure: The legendary carburetor that gets 200 miles per gallon! And once I have it installed in my car, I won't have to get uke'd at the gas pump so much any more! Oh frabjous joy...
3. Here's the bad news: aliens have kidnapped you and will completely remove a single organ from you. The good news: they will replace it with a fully-functional mechanical substitute guaranteed to never wear out. Even so, which organ do you least want them to take?
Surprisingly enough, this is easy: I would least want them to take my brain. Because even though it is buggy, idiosyncratic, and often does not work the way I want it to, it's still mine, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
("An electronic brain. A simple one should suffice."
"A simple one!?"
"Yeah! You could program it to say What? and I don't understand and Where's the tea?, and who'd notice the difference?")
4. The government, for some reason, has decided to allow you to create one law that will be enforced forever and cannot be repealed. What law do you make and why?
"Any citizen of the United States that confuses the words 'affect' and 'effect' without bothering to check the difference between the two shall be considered guilty of a misdemeanor and sentenced to no fewer than five hours of remedial grammar instruction."
...okay, it's totally petty, but man the "affect" / "effect" thing just gets my goat like no other.
5. What's been the biggest shock of married life?
Honestly... the most surprising thing is how... easy it feels. This is prehaps due to the fact that we lived together for so many years, but it feels like we're on the same path we've always been on... if that makes sense. (Well, for the biggest shock, it's either this or the fact that everyone seems to be most intensely interested in when we're going to start having kids. But this is an entry for another day...)