2001 just called. It wants its catchphrase back.
Chorus:
Pray silence, gentles all,
And attend the traffic of our stage!
Would that we were privileged such
To stand stout-hearted upon the bridge
At the side of good Captain, who
showed no fear, even when fire
And puissance did its fell ravages
Upon his vessel and his hardy crew!
And would that we were to see
Upon the vision-screen, apparating,
The brutal visage of that foul fiend, CATS.
But pardon, gentles all,
That we poor players can but provide
Only the merest shadow of the history
Upon this splint'ry scaffold.
Nonetheless, I pray you,
Give o'er your imaginations to our arts,
And join us as we set our scene:
In the year of Our Lord, two thousand one hundred one,
As a most terrible war doth commence...

Crew:
By our Lady! Saints preserve us!

Captain:
Ho! Stand steady, valiants! you hearts-of-iron!
Courage now!
Good mechanic, I cry you:
Use the utmost of your skill, and do tell me
What hath transpired here?

Mechanic:
My captain!
Tho' I can scarce lend it credence,
The tragic fact does remain--
Some malefactor hath sought,
By means of some infernal machine,
To seal our doom.

Operator:
My captain!
O'er the luminiferous aether,
A missive appproaches us
And does most insistently command thy attention.

Captain:
By the Glory of God, what dost thou say?

Operator:
Good captain,
I shall display the aetheric envoy
Upon the main-screen, so that its contents
Shall be plain to all.

Captain:
It is thou!
Thou villain! Thou scoundrel!

CATS:
Greetings and felicitations to thee,
Worthy squires! May we be well-met indeed!
It doth fall under my aegis a duty most fair to me
To convey news most black to thee. Listen well,
Good Captain, and attend to the dire consequence
Of this day for thee and thy gallant crew. Truly,
This shall be a day long remembered to us,
But a day of mourning for you and yours. For
It is upon this day, this great and glorious day,
That all thy base doth belong to us. And yet,
Though this intelligence must prove
The most vicious blow to thy humors, good Captain,
I pray you take a little comfort in the fact
That thou shalt not suffer this knowledge for long.
For like the carriage of the heathen Juggernaut,
Thy vessel, and all souls who sail therein,
Are bound upon a course leading inevitably
To your destruction.

Captain:
O villain! Explain thyself!
What dost thou say, foul beast?
I would hear thee very well!

CATS:
O good Captain, I pray you, to set
Thy mind at rest, and compose yourself
To meet your fate with the bravery and strength
That doth become you. There is not the
Slightest possibility of your salvation,
Nor of your survival. Thou, good Captain,
Shall not live to see the next hour, nor
Shall your stout-hearted crew. I cry you,
Good Captain, to make thy peace with God,
And may the blessings of the Lord be with you.
Yet, the cruel fate to which you are destined
Cannot dampen my own spirits, nor can I
Stifle my own laughter! I do go
To savor the fruits of my victory, and thus
Do I bid you farewell.

Operator:
My captain!
We put our lives into your hands,
And we do pledge all our efforts to you!
Pray tell us, good sir,
What dost thou command now?

Captain:
Fortune hath driven us to a dark place,
And yet we still may find our way home from't!
Our course of action is clear:
We must take off every Zig! Good crew,
Noble crew, I cry you, waste not a moment!
All of you must call upon the very depths
Of your skills and your knowledge!
We must move all Zig, so that the fair face
Of Justice, both great and all-powerful,
May shine upon us!