Something happened at anime club tonight. Something that made me feel very, very hurt, angry, and upset.
On the walk home tonight, I was stewing in my own emotions...but I was able to start reflecting on them, and asking myself why I felt this way. And here's what I came up with.
I am afraid. I am very, very afraid.
In the last four months, I have in essence lost two very close friends. This, now that I've reflected on it, frightens me. It frightens me because... where will it stop? If I lose them, then won't I lose my other friends in Lincoln? Won't I lose Ami? Even Natalie? So I feel frightened, and that's what my hurt is based on, I think.
And I also feel frightened because... I feel frightened. It's like... I'm so afraid that I don't have reason to feel the way I do. That people ignore my feelings because they're bad and stupid and irrational feelings that I should just get over already.
I'm trying not to take this all personally, but it's hard. So very hard.