Miles Coverdale (manos74) wrote,
Miles Coverdale

Addendum to the previous entry, sort of.

Now that I think about it, I think the reason I've been feeling so frustrated lately (with the whole unemployment thing) is that I've had to live dependent on the kindnesses/largesse/charity of others. Not just the charity of the unemployment people, but people who've lately been nice enough to buy me drinks, dinner, bring over food, that sort of thing.

And I guess... I appreciate all the kindness, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Because there's always a little warning voice in the back of my head, telling me that by accepting these kindnesses, I've put myself into some sort of debt. And it's a debt that I'm going to have to pay back one day, even if only karmically. And I'm deeply afraid I won't be able to make good on it. Because I've never been very good at expressing my appreciation for... well, for most anything, really.

So I'm scared. And that turns into anger.
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